Why Bother?

I’ve not blogged for while. About 6 months really. I backed off social media completed and decided to put more time into getting my girls transitioned and settled into secondary school. I also had to take time for me to recover from the difficulties of eldest getting into her second secondary school and pick myself up from constant difficulties that had brought to me and my family.

I thought we were doing ok again (all things considered). Biggey is now in Year 8 at secondary with fully time support and seemed to be doing ok. Littley started year 7 and is wobbly and tearful and anxious and not sleeping yet it’s been much worse so I’m relatively ok with that too.

Until yesterday.

Got a call from school to say Biggey had told staff she didn’t want to come with me cos I slapped her that morning!

Great. They need to “ring it in”. Lovely.

Within 15 mins the social workers were on the phone. That was a difficult call to have and so, again, we await another visit from some under qualified, under resourced people who are going to “help me manage her behaviour”. Thanks.

What actually happened that morning is that she was given a consequence of having to come straight home from school. She was given this because she had stropped and fought the night before when we discovered she had gone to the park without telling us.

At end of school (after a very bad day) she didn’t want to come straight home, she was angry, so she falsely accused me of hurting her.

Thanks darling. This is the third time. I’m bored with it. I’m fed up. I wonder why I bother.

After 7 years of intense therapeutic parenting, remortgaging the house to pay for private therapy, giving up my job and career for you, giving up friends because you can’t handle it, staying away from family because they don’t understand why it’s not better, fighting with authorities, educating the educators, becoming first name terms with local police, standing patiently whilst you wreck our house, tending my bruises where you hit me, spending hours searching for you when you run away, you do this. Thanks.

Dear daughter, I wonder how you will feel when you come home after school today? You see, today there will be a brand new puppy at home waiting for you. We collect him today and kept it a secret. You’ve wanted one for years. I thought it would be nice, it would be good for you, it will help you. Will you even stop to consider the difference in your actions? Probably not.

Why bother? I don’t know. I don’t know if I should continue. You better hope I change my mind in the next few days or weeks….

Safe Mum

8 thoughts on “Why Bother?

  1. I wanted to cry reading this, feeling all your exhaustion and despair pouring out. What difficult, awful situations you are finding yourself in when you really are trying to give it your all. I think you sound like an amazing mum, hang in there. xxxx

    Thanks for sharing on #WASO

    • Thank you. I was beyond tears and needed a release – yet didn’t want to drive others to tears!! A few days later and I’m bouncing back. Thank u for reading, sharing and providing the opportunity for support x

  2. Wow powerful stuff, you do sound exhausted. Must be exhausting for your daughter too deep down. It’s not nice feeling negative to your mum or your daughter. I really hope things get better. I’m sure you’ve heard of them but would open nest be worth a try? Just a thought. Don’t give up. I’m sure things will get better. The teen tears are hard for any family, let alone where adoption is thrown in the mix

  3. Thank you for being so honest!
    I think everyone wonders why bother from time to time.
    I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a tough time at the moment. But grateful that you’re sharing and helping others feel less alone.
    I hope the puppy went down well.
    For what it’s worth, I think you’re amazing and have given your children so much support and love. They are doing better because of you.

  4. Oh my gosh the tears flowing here too. I am in a very similar situation at moment with eldest’s school (thankfully pasw is in full support of us). I can only imagine how exhausted you are. I am glad the puppy is helping.
    Thank you for your bravery and honesty

  5. Pingback: My Adoption Statistics | Adopting Safe Mummy Ways

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